my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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