his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
