She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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