i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
