im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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