i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
