before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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