Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
