you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
