omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wear drunk well.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
