There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
