HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
