I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
