I'm drive I can fine osifer
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
