I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
