Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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