Say something about gay babies.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize