What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
