Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
