I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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