At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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