U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
