Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
