You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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