you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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