Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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