Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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