Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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