if you like me you must not know who I am
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
