you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
