Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
