I hate your face
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize