that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
