well I can't set my house on fire every night
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
