Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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