I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
