a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
