wat bout pragnant strippers??
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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