he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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