ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
