Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
