you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
