The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
