Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
