My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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