I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize