He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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