I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
