i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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