Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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