Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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