Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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