Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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