very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
