His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
