dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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