he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think we might need a safe word for this...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
