Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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