Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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