I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
