I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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