oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
COCAINE IS GR8
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
