i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
