OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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