Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
