just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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