drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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