I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
