you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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