the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
