We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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