take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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