For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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