apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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