Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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