youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
