She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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